OK, in one sense, women have it easy: all they have to do is lie there while we fiddle with the tool. Sometimes that fiddling can be downright frustrating. How can you play an easier tune and keep it up until the record stops?

4 Tips For a Longer Erection

1. Slow Down

You're moving too fast. Must avoid the sensation of wanting to ejaculate too soon. This happens when you start out too quickly, too hard, and too fast. Or, as the Coors Light Twins have called it: too Fast & Furious. This is not going to impress the ladies, whether they're twins or not.

Suggestion: Take a warm-up lap, start slow, let the muscles (or: muscle) find their groove. When you begin slowly, and gradually increase your pace, you'll be amazed how your stamina improves.

Also, it's important that you learn to ride the Ejaculation Wave: when it's about to crash, pull back and take a little breather. This is the time to engage your hands, lips, toes -- oh my. Hint: Make the moment last.

2. Take a Piss

WTF? You know that thing women love called foreplay? Well, it's foreplay for them, it's hardplay for us. Because we're sitting there wanting to spring into action and get out of the gates, well, too fast and furiously. (It hurts, ladies. "Let's get it on, already!")

Just before you feel she's about to open those gates, excuse yourself to take a No. 1 (note: a No. 2 would probably not be appropriate in this situation). It sounds weird, we know, but you'll be amazed how it'll feel like starting all over.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

You know that thing men love called masturbation? Use the time to master your stroke. So when you get in the real game, you'll be ready to swing for the fences. Actually, she'll make sure you're starting out with singles and doubles. Once again: Let's get it on, already!

4. Viagra

Viva Viagra! That has to be the lamest commercial ever. Does the shit actually work? Who knows. We haven't tried it. You probably shouldn't either, until you're well into your 40's or 50's or unless you've been married for too long (a year) and the passion is dried up. Because there's nothing like a flaccid penis to say "don't love you anymore."

P.S. If you experience more than a 4-hour erection consult your nearest porn producer, a career change might be in order.

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